Writing a Claim-and-Evidence Paragraph · 写出主张加证据的段落
| English | 中文 | Pinyin · 拼音 |
|---|---|---|
| Commentary/ˈkɒməntri/ | 评述 | píng shù |
The quotation is there and the marks are not
- Students reliably include evidence and reliably omit the sentence that explains it.
- The reader can see the quotation; what they cannot see is why you think it proves your point.
- That missing sentence is where most lost marks live.
Dropping in a quotation without explaining it is like calling a witness and forgetting to ask a question.
引文在那里,分数却不在
- 学生总能记得放进证据,也总是漏掉解释它的那句话。
- 阅卷人看得到引文;看不到的是你为何认为它证明了你的观点。
- 缺失的那句话,正是大多数失分之所在。
引用了证据却不解释，就像请证人上场，却忘了问问题。
Start with an arguable claim
- Write a claim narrower than your whole thesis but still arguable.
- It should be specific enough that the evidence you have actually bears on it.
- If your evidence would support half a dozen different claims, the claim is too vague.
从一项可争辩的主张开始
- 写出一项比整体论点更窄、但仍可争辩的主张。
- 它应当足够具体,使你手上的证据确实与之相关。
- 如果你的证据能支撑六七种不同的主张,那这项主张就太含糊了。
A body-paragraph claim should be narrower than the ____ but still arguable. · 主体段落的主张应当比 ____ 更窄,但仍然可争辩。
A claim too broad for its evidence cannot be defended by that evidence. · 对其证据而言过于宽泛的主张,无法被那些证据所辩护。
Embed the evidence
- Introduce the source inside your own sentence, not before it as a separate announcement.
- Quote only the words you will actually discuss.
- A long quotation you do not analyse costs you space and earns you nothing.
嵌入证据
- 把来源引入到你自己的句子内部,而不是作为独立的通告置于句前。
- 只引用你确实会讨论到的那些词句。
- 一段你并不分析的长引文,既占地方又得不到分。
On the AP Language rubric, four of the six points are evidence and commentary together. A paragraph with evidence but no commentary is not most of the way to those marks — it is capped well below them, however well written it sounds.
在 AP 语言与写作的评分标准中,六分中有四分是证据与评述合在一起的。有证据而无评述的段落,并不是已经接近这些分数——无论文字听起来多好,它都被封在远低于此的水平。
Build a paragraph in proportion · 按比例搭一个段落
The commonest failure is a paragraph where the evidence is present and the explanation is absent. · 最常见的失败是段落里有证据而没有解释。
Commentary in a body paragraph should explain... · 主体段落中的评述应当解释……
Restating the evidence is not commentary; explaining the relationship · 关系 is. · 复述证据不是评述;解释两者的关系才是。
Select all · 所有 the sentence openers that force a relationship rather than a restatement. · 选出所有能强迫产生关系、而非导致复述的句首用语。
"In the quotation" invites a restatement; the other three demand a link. · "在这段引文中"会引出复述;其余三个要求给出联系。
Evidence and commentary together are worth four of the six rubric points. · 证据与评述合计占评分标准六分中的四分。
That is why a paragraph with evidence but no commentary is capped well below the top marks. · 这正是有证据而无评述的段落被封在远低于高分水平的原因。
Write the commentary
- Commentary 评述 explains how the evidence supports the claim.
- Begin it with a word that forces a relationship: because, which means, so, the effect of this is.
- Those words cannot be followed by a restatement, which is exactly why they work.
写出评述
- 评述(commentary)解释证据如何支撑主张。
- 用一个强迫产生关系的词开头:因为、这意味着、所以、其效果是。
- 这些词后面接不了复述,而这恰恰是它们有效的原因。
Put the parts of a body paragraph in order. · 把主体段落的各部分排序。
Claim, evidence, commentary — and the third is where most marks are lost. · 主张、证据、评述——而第三项正是多数分数丢失之处。
Check your own paragraph
- Cover the evidence. Does the claim still make sense on its own? It should.
- Cover the claim. Does the commentary still point at something? It should not — commentary is about the claim.
- If the paragraph reads the same with the commentary deleted, you have not written any.
检查你自己的段落
- 遮住证据。主张本身是否仍然说得通?应当说得通。
- 遮住主张。评述是否仍指向某样东西?不应当——评述是关于主张的。
- 如果删掉评述后段落读起来毫无区别,那你根本没有写评述。
Weak: "Attendance fell 12%. This shows the policy did not work." Strong: "Attendance fell 12% in the first year, which means the policy lost precisely the participants it was designed to reach — so its own measure of success records a failure." The second sentence does the work the first only gestures at.
薄弱:*"出席率下降了 12%。这说明政策没有奏效。"有力:"第一年出席率下降了 12%,这意味着这项政策恰恰流失了它本要触及的那些参与者——因此它自己的成功标准记录下的是一次失败。"*第二句做到了第一句只是虚指的事。
A body paragraph is claim, evidence, commentary in that order. The claim must be arguable and narrow, the evidence embedded rather than dropped, and the commentary must explain the relationship — start it with because, which means or so, which cannot be followed by a restatement.
一个主体段落是按主张、证据、评述这一顺序构成的。主张必须可争辩且窄，证据必须被嵌入而非摆放,而评述必须解释两者的关系——用因为、这意味着或所以开头,这些词后面接不了复述。