Unit 5: Organization, Coherence, and Style
AP English Language and Composition Topic 5 5:41 English narration · English + 中文 subtitles burned in
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The CED's statement of the body paragraph is exact and worth memorising.
课程大纲对主体段落的表述很精确， 值得背下来。
The body paragraphs of a written argument make claims, support them with evidence, and provide commentary that explains the relationship of the evidence to the claim.
一篇论证文章的主体段落 提出主张， 用证据支持它们， 并提供说明证据与主张之间关系的评述。
Three parts, in that order, in every body paragraph.
三个部分，按这个顺序， 出现在每一个主体段落里。
And when an AP essay loses evidence-and-commentary points, it is almost always because the third part is missing from paragraphs that have the first two.
而当一篇 AP 作文 丢掉证据与评述的分数时， 几乎总是因为 在已有前两部分的段落里 第三部分缺席了。
Applied to your own writing, that gives two habits.
用到自己的写作上， 这给出两个习惯。
Draft the claims first, as a list, before writing any paragraph.
先把主张作为一份清单写出来， 再动笔写任何段落。
You then have the line of reasoning in front of you and can check that it moves.
这样你就把推理线索摆在眼前， 可以检查它是否在推进。
Then, for each claim, write the paragraph in its three parts deliberately.
然后，为每一个主张， 有意识地按三个部分写这个段落。
And here is a trick that works under exam conditions: make the commentary sentence begin with a word that forces a relationship — because, which means, so, the effect of this is.
这里还有一个在考试中管用的小技巧： 让评述那一句 以一个强制产生关系的词开头， 因为、这意味着、所以、 它的效果是。
Those words cannot be followed by a restatement.
这些词后面不可能跟着复述。
Try it: write "because" and then try to repeat your quotation.
试试看： 写下"因为"， 然后试着重复你的引文。
The sentence will not let you.
这个句子不会允许你这么做。
Organization, unity, and coherence, next.
接下来是组织、统一性与连贯。
Coherence occurs at different levels in a piece of writing.
连贯出现在写作的不同层级上。
In a sentence, the idea in one clause logically links to the idea in another.
在一个句子里， 一个分句中的意思 与另一个分句中的意思 有逻辑上的连接。
In a paragraph, each sentence builds on the one before it.
在一个段落里， 每一句都建立在前一句之上。
And across the whole text, each paragraph relates to the line of reasoning.
而在整篇文本中， 每一段都与推理线索相关。
The CED then names the devices that create those links, and they are examinable by name: repetition, synonyms, pronoun references and parallel structure may indicate or develop a relationship between ideas; and transitional elements are words or other elements — phrases, clauses, sentences, or whole paragraphs — that assist in creating coherence.
课程大纲随后 点出了制造这些连接的手段， 而它们是可以按名称来考的： 重复、同义词、代词指代 与平行结构， 可以指示或发展观念之间的关系； 而过渡成分是词语或其他成分， 短语、分句、句子，甚至整段， 它们有助于建立连贯。
Learn those names, because a question about "structure" is usually asking about exactly these.
要记住这些名称， 因为一道关于"结构"的题目 通常问的正是它们。
Transitions have a second job the CED names explicitly: they introduce evidence, or indicate its relationship to other ideas or evidence.
过渡还有课程大纲明确指出的第二项工作： 它们引入证据， 或指出证据与其他观念或证据的关系。
That is the difference between decorative and functional transitions.
这正是装饰性过渡 与功能性过渡的区别。
"Furthermore" adds nothing — it says only "here is another sentence".
"此外"什么也没加上， 它只是说"这里还有一句话"。
"Even in the cases where the effect is smallest" tells the reader what relationship is coming.
"即使在效果最小的那些情形里" 则告诉读者 接下来会是什么关系。
Choose transitions that carry information about the relationship, not ones that merely mark a boundary.
要选择承载关系信息的过渡， 而不是只标出一个边界的过渡。
And note that a transitional element may be a whole paragraph.
并且注意， 过渡成分可以是一整段。
In a long argument, a short paragraph whose only job is to turn the reasoning is legitimate and often elegant.
在一篇长论证里， 一个只负责让推理转向的短段落 是合规的，而且常常很优雅。
And word choice, comparisons, and syntax.
再是措辞、比较与句法。
Unit 5 opens the course's treatment of style with three claims about diction.
第五单元以关于用词的三条说法 开启本课程对文体的处理。
Words have both connotative and denotative meanings: denotation is what a word refers to, connotation is what it carries.
词既有内涵义也有外延义： 外延是一个词所指的东西， 内涵是它所携带的东西。
Descriptive words — adjectives and adverbs — not only qualify or modify what they describe but convey a perspective toward it.
描写性词语，形容词与副词， 不仅限定或修饰它们所描述的对象， 还传达出对它的一种态度。
And precise word choice reduces confusion and helps the audience perceive the writer's perspective.
而精确的用词减少混淆， 并帮助受众 察觉作者的立场。
The second is the analytically useful one.
第二条在分析上最有用。
When a passage calls a policy "ambitious" rather than "expensive", no fact has changed and the reader's disposition has.
当一段文字把一项政策 称为"有雄心"而不是"昂贵"时， 没有任何事实改变， 而读者的态度改变了。
That is a rhetorical choice, and it is exactly what the question asks you to explain.
这是一个修辞选择， 也正是题目要求你解释的东西。
For your own writing, precision is worth more than range: prefer the word that is exactly right to the word that is impressive.
对你自己的写作而言， 精确胜过词汇量： 宁可用恰好正确的词， 也不要用听上去唬人的词。
Examiners reward control, and an inflated word used slightly wrongly reads as loss of control.
阅卷者奖励的是控制力， 而一个用得稍有偏差的浮夸词 读起来就是失控。
Here is what that looks like on a passage.
在一段文字上， 这看起来是这样。
A writer describes a proposal's supporters as "determined" in one paragraph and "unyielding" in the next.
一位作者在一段里 把某项提案的支持者称为"坚定"， 在下一段里称为"顽固"。
A low-scoring answer notes that the writer uses strong diction.
低分的答案会说 作者使用了"有力的用词"。
A scoring answer explains the shift.
能得分的答案会解释这一转变。
Both words denote persistence, but "determined" carries approval and "unyielding" carries obstruction.
两个词的外延都是"坚持"， 但"坚定"带着赞许， "顽固"带着阻碍。
By moving from one to the other without changing the facts described, the writer withdraws sympathy from the supporters while appearing only to continue describing them — so the audience's judgement shifts before any counter-argument is made.
在不改变所描述事实的情况下 从一个词转到另一个词， 作者抽走了对支持者的同情， 表面上却只是在继续描述他们， 于是受众的判断 在任何反驳出现之前 就已经发生了偏移。
That is connotation, tone and effect on audience in one move.
这是内涵、语气 与对受众的影响， 一步做成。
Three marks students give away on the exam.
考试里学生丢掉的三种分。
First, furthermore adds nothing — it says only here is another sentence.
第一，"此外"什么也没加上， 它只是说这里还有一句话。
Second, a transitional element may be a whole paragraph whose only job is to turn the reasoning.
第二，过渡成分可以是一整段， 它的唯一工作就是让推理转向。
Third, prefer the word that is exactly right to the word that is impressive.
第三，宁可用恰好正确的词， 也不要用听上去唬人的词。
Examiners reward control, and an inflated word used slightly wrongly reads as a loss of control.
阅卷者奖励的是控制力， 而一个用得稍有偏差的浮夸词 读起来就是失控。
Five things to carry out.
带走五件事。
First, every body paragraph is claim, evidence, commentary — and the lost points are nearly always the third.
第一，每一个主体段落 都是主张、证据、评述， 而丢掉的分几乎总是第三项。
Second, draft your claims as a list first.
第二，先把主张写成一份清单。
Third, begin commentary with because, which means, or so.
第三，评述句以 "因为""这意味着""所以"开头。
Fourth, know the coherence devices by name.
第四，按名称记住连贯手段。
Fifth, connotation is where diction analysis lives — same denotation, different disposition, is a rhetorical choice.
第五，用词分析活在内涵之中， 外延相同而态度不同， 就是一个修辞选择。